Saturday, September 29, 2007
When Britney Spears Wasn’t Crazy, Day 1
That’s pretty much how Britney Spears’s cracked-out career will go down in useless gossip history. Do you miss remember the good ‘ole days when Britney was hot & somewhat normal?
Well, over the next 10 days, we’ll be remembering Britney from Phase #1. As you’re traveling in the Bastardly Time Machine, please keep in mind that in Internet Standard Time, the “past” means anywhere from 3 months to a few years back?
So w/ that in hand, we hope you enjoy the ride!
Suicidal Skinhead Britney Spears is a Satan Worshiper
Photo Credit: Celebslam.com
There’s tons & tons of chatter about this woman as she slowly walks toward death.
When we googled “Top 5 Suicide Methods” we landed on a page titled, “A True Painless Method of Suicide (Easiest and Simplest Painless Suicide Method).” Brit, we’ll paste from the site to save you time…
1. Methods like slitting wrists, cutting throat, poisons, suffocation, jumping off a cliff or tall building are not painless methods of suicide. Not even inhaling carbon monoxide. Why?
Because the real pain comes after death, being burnt eternally in hell. The Bible teaches that all nonbelievers are destined for hell. Most people misunderstood that once a person dies, that’s the end of life. This is not true. All non-believers will be resurrected in the last days (Dan 12:2, Acts 24:15, John 5:28, 29) and punished by burning in hell eternally (Matthew 25:46). A true believer does not commit suicide for humans were made in God’s image, thus God disapproves suicide. [Yutopian]
Britney, is going to hell really worth it?!
Anyway, besides that, let’s peak into what our favorite sites are saying about the latest Britney developments this hour….
I don’t even think a capital WTF? or even writing out capital WHAT THE FUCK? can really cover this. Holy shit Britney. [Fatback and Collards]
This makes the third time in a month that Britney has “tried” to kill herself, so maybe she just needs a little encouragement. Or at least somebody to kick the chair. [IDLYITW]
Cry for help? That’s a cry for a straight jacket and heavy, heavy medication. If that’s not bat-shit crazy, I don’t know what is. [Egotastic]
I give her a week before she starts writing crazy poems on the wall with her own fecal matter. [Celebslam]>
I mean I’m impressed if Britney actually got the 666 right. I can imagine her stupid ass thinking it’s 999 and scrimbling that all over herself. [Dlisted]
Why Did Britney Spears Shave Her Head?
Well, a slightly White Trash Theory was proposed by an OK! Magazine informant:
“They had a huge argument,” a source told the magazine. “Kevin threatened Britney that he was going to have people test her hair to find out exactly what she’s been up to. She was so scared. That was what made her have her head shaved.”
Testing her hair could determine whether she had been abusing illegal drugs, which could be used against her in the looming battle for custody of their two young children.
Spears’ friends say the detoxing diva was bowing to pressure from Federline, friends, family and Rudolph, who pleaded with her to return to rehab. [OK! Mag via NY Daily]
I must commend K.Feds for doing what he’s doing. Normally it’s a little painful trying to suck money & a couple kids away from your ex-wife, but K.Feds is playing Britney w/ amazing skill & very little remorse. A part of me wants him to get hit by a bus & die, but the bastardly whorebag in me is rooting for his conniving ass to pull around $10-20k in monthly child support. Like I’ve said from the very beginning, the guy is a white trash genius!
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